I always like to believe things happen for a reason. I don't really believe in coincidences. Maybe that is just the romantic dreamer in me. For example, at the beginning of the year, a house came up for rent that I had been eying. It's bigger than the one I'm renting now and on a quieter street. I called the office immediately to find out if it was still available and it was. I was super excited. When I went to go sign the paperwork I found out that the rent was going to be higher than what I thought - $400 more a month than what I was paying. Then right before we were going to sign the paperwork, the whole thing suddenly fell through. Apparently there was another tenant who was supposed to come in and drop off a deposit before us. So we never got the place. I was so upset. I wanted to move into the bigger house so badly. I couldn't understand why things had to happen that way. I knew we deserved that house. The only consolation I had was to tell myself there must be some reason that would reveal itself later. Fast forward several months and my step children from across the US are moving in with us. Are pocket books take a hit with four boys and an infant now in the house. Paying that amount of rent would have killed us. I drive by that house everyday and think about what could have been. Then I think about how we couldn't afford it with our new circumstances. Funny how things work that way.

I believe signs come into our lives all the time. Unfortunately it's so hard not to get caught up in the daily grind to really see much else. Little things like the kids not listening or things not working the way you want them to see huge. When really it is just all connected to something else or has a deeper meaning not immediately seen.

My latest struggle is work and money. I'm sure I'm not the only one who faces this. I have been unemployed - by choice - for just about two years. Now that we have a suddenly larger family I feel the need to compensate by somehow getting a job. The problem is that with five kids, we can't afford day care for all of them. So I have thought about getting a part time job. The problem with that is, I desperately want to stay home with my 1 year old. We are very close and I don't want to leave him so I can make a few hundred dollars after day care costs. So I have looked for work from home opportunities. I have plugged away for almost two years looking for work at home. I have come across more scams than anything. I have applied for part time out of home jobs with no luck. So I am continually asking myself, what does it all mean? Why can I not get a job? Why, if there are so many people out there who can, can I not find a real work at home opportunity? I have actually been really depressed about this. I'm not sure what the reason is. After a long period of struggling, I have finally decided to let it go. I'm hoping that the deeper reason or meaning to this will reveal itself to me.