Today something happened that really reaffirmed my belief that things happen for a reason. This weekend, I was given the opportunity to speak with a woman who needed child care for her 5 children during the week. I was very excited about this opportunity because I thought it would be great for the kids (hers & mine) who all go to school together, and it would help me generate some much needed income for my family. I emailed with the lady several times and we agreed to meet after she went out for a couple of hours.

I had my kids help me clean up the house and told them that some other children from their school might be coming over for me to babysit. They worked really hard to help me clean and then waited patiently for the lady to come over. The time when I was supposed to hear back from her so I could give her my address, etc., came and went. Then several more hours after that dragged by. The kids were increasingly anxious and I was a nervous wreck. I really needed to get this job.

Finallly, that evening I hear from her and she still wants to meet. When she calls I'm in the middle of dinner, which I totally abandon to talk to her. I find out that her children have never been in day care and she's very upset about the whole thing. She still wants to meet with me, and says she'll call me back after she talks to her ex husband about coming along. By the time the kids went to bed and I hadn't heard from her, I knew it wasn't happening. I was really upset about the whole situation and had little hope about it working out.

The next day, I emailed her to ask her to please let me know if she had changed her mind. I mean I waited all day and into the evening for this person! Anyway, she finally got back to me to let me know she was able to arrange it so she didn't need to put them in day care anyway. Fine. The problem for me was, I really needed the money from this gig. Without it, I didn't know where to look next for work. I need to be at home with my children. I couldn't understand why something that seemed so perfect just slipped away so easily. I even talked to my husband last night about what meaning it could possibly have.

Then I got an email from a virtual assistant position I had applied to. I scheduled to talk to this person about my services and what they needed. I was hopeful, but wary. I didn't want to get excited again. Well the good news is, I have my first virtual assistant client! yay! And the funny thing is, I could not have done this job if I were to do the babysitting job. The hours would have conflicted. So how is that for having a deeper meaning! I love when things like that happen. Now if I could just relax and wait for it instead of questioning myself. I'll work on that next.

Since I have started blogging, I have found it rather therapeutic. It really makes me feel good to write, to get creative juices flowing, to get out feelings and ideas. I have been writing since I was 13, and there have been many years where my pen never touched a paper other than to write notes at work or grocery lists.

I remember the first poem I wrote at 13. It was very dark and depressing. Then again, at that time, I was dark and depressed. It was the beginning of me though. I am a writer, through and through. It starts at the core of my soul and goes through to my heart. Writing has gotten me through some of the worst times in my life. Writing stories has gotten me into another world when my own was unbearable. Journal entries have helped me to sort out so many conflicting feelings. Poems have helped me cry out to the world and share my soul. It is who I am.

As much as I love to write, it has always been hard to share my writing with people I am close to. The thought of being judged, or really not accepted and loved, is enough to injure my emotions in a whole new way. If someone I loved were to read a poem I wrote for them, and didn't react as if they loved it, it would be like a 1000 deaths for me. I know that sounds funny, but like I said, I am the writing.

So now, as an adult, a mother of 5, and a wife, I am very busy. Writing is something that is very hard to find time to do. That's why I am very glad I have found the world of blogging. The best part is, it is anonymous, so I don't have to care what anyone else thinks of these words. Thanks for reading them.

This Thanksgiving I had the fortune of being sick! Not what I was hoping for as I headed to my parents house for a huge dinner. I spent most of the evening laying down and didn't eat nearly as much as I would have liked to. Being sick is the worst, especially on holidays. But, I guess I was lucky I was well enough to even go!

So, being inspired by that, here is my list of things to be thankful for:

Family
Food
Home
Car
Children's laugher
Warm hugs
Smiling faces
Loving Husband
Generous parents
Heated house
Christmas music on the radio
Leftover turkey
Moms homemade pumpkin pie
Black Friday sales


You really can't things for granted. Life is precious and time is few and it is here to be enjoyed. We should take every minute to love, laugh, smile and live life fully. Happy Thanksgiving!

I always like to believe things happen for a reason. I don't really believe in coincidences. Maybe that is just the romantic dreamer in me. For example, at the beginning of the year, a house came up for rent that I had been eying. It's bigger than the one I'm renting now and on a quieter street. I called the office immediately to find out if it was still available and it was. I was super excited. When I went to go sign the paperwork I found out that the rent was going to be higher than what I thought - $400 more a month than what I was paying. Then right before we were going to sign the paperwork, the whole thing suddenly fell through. Apparently there was another tenant who was supposed to come in and drop off a deposit before us. So we never got the place. I was so upset. I wanted to move into the bigger house so badly. I couldn't understand why things had to happen that way. I knew we deserved that house. The only consolation I had was to tell myself there must be some reason that would reveal itself later. Fast forward several months and my step children from across the US are moving in with us. Are pocket books take a hit with four boys and an infant now in the house. Paying that amount of rent would have killed us. I drive by that house everyday and think about what could have been. Then I think about how we couldn't afford it with our new circumstances. Funny how things work that way.

I believe signs come into our lives all the time. Unfortunately it's so hard not to get caught up in the daily grind to really see much else. Little things like the kids not listening or things not working the way you want them to see huge. When really it is just all connected to something else or has a deeper meaning not immediately seen.

My latest struggle is work and money. I'm sure I'm not the only one who faces this. I have been unemployed - by choice - for just about two years. Now that we have a suddenly larger family I feel the need to compensate by somehow getting a job. The problem is that with five kids, we can't afford day care for all of them. So I have thought about getting a part time job. The problem with that is, I desperately want to stay home with my 1 year old. We are very close and I don't want to leave him so I can make a few hundred dollars after day care costs. So I have looked for work from home opportunities. I have plugged away for almost two years looking for work at home. I have come across more scams than anything. I have applied for part time out of home jobs with no luck. So I am continually asking myself, what does it all mean? Why can I not get a job? Why, if there are so many people out there who can, can I not find a real work at home opportunity? I have actually been really depressed about this. I'm not sure what the reason is. After a long period of struggling, I have finally decided to let it go. I'm hoping that the deeper reason or meaning to this will reveal itself to me.

Is it just me, or do I have the most stubborn husband ever? I swear the man drives me crazy sometimes because he is so stubborn! For instance, he hurt is foot the other week. He was in so much pain he could barely walk. Do you think that kept him from doing things? Not really. He was up trying to cook dinner after I scolded him for not putting his foot up with some ice. And go to the Dr.? Forget it! A few days later he shows me his foot and it is black and blue! Yet he refuses to have it looked at. It's not broken he says, so he doesn't need to go. I don't know about you, but to me that is just stubborn! You are hurt! Go have it checked out!

Why is it that men have to be so stubborn when it comes to these kinds of things? I just don't get it. I mean he's a great husband, so I'm not complaining about that. I'm just saying, take care of yourself man! Anyone else have a husband like that?

I am so tired of people out there who are looking to get one over on someone else. Trying to steal and cheat others for a profit or even just for fun. These people make me sick. I have been applying for WAH jobs (and yes there are some legit ones) and I guess in my frenzy of sending out my resume I sent one to a scammer. They contacted me via email for this "position" which I was immediatly hired for. I knew right about it was not legit, so I ignored it completely.

A few days later a Fed Ex envelope was sitting on my doorstep with an "urgent" letter. Upon opening it I find a check for $3,800. Now you have no idea how much a check like that would mean to my family right now. Times are really hard and a check like that would pay alot of bills and give my kids a really nice X mas. But the check came alone, no letter no nothing. The name of the company on the check was different than the name of the company on the envelope. That was the second sign that it was a scam. I knew I had heard of a scam having to do with getting a check, but I couldn't remember what it was. So I went onto a couple of forums and asked around. The scam is that you get a check and you are supposed to deposit it, take a percentage of it out for commission, then send the "company" the rest back. The funny thing is, I didnt get a letter with this, and never remembered any email like that.

So I went back and looked through my emails and found the one about the "online clerk job" I was immediatly hired for. I read it through and my husband told me it had to be it. The name on the signature was from yet another company and person, so I thought it wasn't the same. Low and behold this morning I got another email from these people from a fourth person asking if I got the money. So wow, way to work your scam. You can't even make it somewhat believeable? Sheesh.

In conclusion I just want to say to these people, you make me sick. You are the lowest scum of the scum on the bottom of my toilet. I hope you get caught and rot in hell where you belong. Not only did you mess with my head but with my husbands head. That money would have been a miracle to us and to think even for 5 seconds that it could be real, was enough to cause a mountain of problems. You are a real piece of *you know what*.

So I do not have the ringer on my house phone. Why, you ask? Well it's simple, I rarely give the number out - I mostly use my cell phone - yet it rings without fail several times a day. Telemarketers. *sigh* So it got to the point where I just turned the damn ringer off. The only reason I even have a home phone is for the kids to use, which they never do, or in case of an emergency. Other than that, we never use it. I can't begin to tell you how many messages are on my answering machine right now. I stopped checking at this point.

Here's a funny story, the last home phone number I had, which I never gave out, I got even more calls. Apparently, the number was the same as the billing dept for the local fire department. Well actually it wasn't exactly the same - the billing dept number had a 1-800 in front of it. I was constantly getting calls from elderly folk trying to solve a problem with their bill. Let me just say, I was pregnant and often napped on the couch. The incessant ringing of the phone irritated me and to hear it being the wrong number just irritated me further. I refused the change the number though. I felt that whoever was calling should understand that they needed to put a 1-800 in front of it. Don't ask - my pregnant brain is unexplainable.

So, I have learned to just keep the ringer off and not even think about it. I should probally just cancel the service, but I have it in a bundle which is supposed to save me money. Lol.