Reality Check

Here it goes again

2009-02-15T14:58:00.000-08:00

So now that I am pregnant again (and I say again because I have a 17 month old and it feels like just yesterday I was pregnant) I am reminded of the first wonderful months and morning sickness. There's nothing like being nauseous all the time...OK well there are quite a few things that are better, but I guess it goes with the whole no pain no gain thing. I have to say so far it is not unbearable. I have had worse (knock on wood). But it does remind me of all the other wonderful things that will come later on. Swollen ankles, never ending hunger, pains, belly hair, not being able to see my feet. I really could go on and on, but I won't.

Don't think I'm complaining - I'm not. OK I am, but don't I have the right? Lol. So I am creating the miracle of life and sharing my body with another being. How weird is that? It's kind of weird if you think about it right? I mean isn't that the basis of some of the most popular scary movies? Aliens? Well at least this "alien" isn't going to rip out of my stomach and kill everyone. I do love babies though. They are adorable and so much fun. My favorite part is shopping for them though. All the cute and tiny things! I love it. Luckily I got rid of all my baby clothes so I will get to go shopping for more once I find out what the sex is (with my luck a boy). And I will also get to shop for cloth diapers, which is even more fun. Yes people in this day and age actually use cloth diapers. See this site if you want more info.

And really on of the beauty's of having another baby is all the help I will get from the other kids. They just love their baby brother and play with him all the time. I think another baby will fit in perfectly with our family and it will be even easier. I never ever thought I would have such a big family, but it's pretty cool.

I got the shock of my life yesterday

2009-02-12T12:53:00.000-08:00

When I found out I'm pregnant! If you have been keeping up with me then you know I already have 5 kids. Two from another marriage, two step sons, and a toddler with my current husband. Yes baby makes 6. We were not planning on having any more kids. I was really struggling with the idea of having another baby because I really wanted to have a girl, but I came to the decision that it was probably best to not have another baby. Raising 5 kids can be pretty challenging and expensive and my husband didn't want to stress about money with another baby. So much for that!

So looks like all that's out the window. I guess I have some time to get used to the idea and hopefully save some money. Thankfully we still have a bunch of things from when my toddler was little that we can use again. I never wanted to get rid of it just in case, lol. It's funny because it's only recently that I decided I didn't want any more kids. I guess I was in denial or something. So! Here we go again!

I'm Back!

2009-02-10T20:55:00.000-08:00

Wow, I just realized I have not posted in a little over a month. A lot has been going on and I have been pretty busy. I have been doing a little wah gig during this time and it has been decent. I don't want to talk about that though, for fear I may jinx it! LOL. Do you believe in "jinxing"? I have always believed in it. You know when you say something like "I never get pulled over while driving" or "I never get in car accidents" and then the very next day you get pulled over or into an accident. Thats what I call jinxing. So I try to never say things like that. It never seems to fail that if I say something "never" happens or "always" happens, the opposite magically comes true. Hmmm...maybe I should say I never get any money and I will get tons! Yeah, doesn't work that way.

Other than my wah job, (isn't it funny how "wah" sounds like whinging) I have been busy with my toddler. I have to say, I honestly forgot how much work a toddler can be. I mean, my second youngest son is 8, so it's been awhile. This boy is just crazy too. He loves to climb on everything he can and get into everything he can. I am running around all day after him trying to keep him out of and off of everything! And he just LOVES cars. Any kind of car, motorcycle or anything with wheels. He says "car" everytime he sees one. It's so adorable. It is definitly a fine balance of crazy and adorable. Gotta love him though. He brightens all my days. Not to say the other kids don't, he just hasn't masterd the lovely ability to talk back yet. hahahah.

Free Pancakes

2009-01-09T13:22:00.000-08:00

Here is some good news for those of you who can no longer afford to eat in this dismal economy. Free pancakes! Who doesn't love pancakes and who doesn't love FREE! IHOP is supporting the Children's Miracle Network by celebrating National Pancake Day and giving out a free short stack of buttermilk pancakes to every guest. My mouth is watering already!

So on February 24th, you better line up early, cause I'm sure there will be a lot of other hungry people ready to dig in to free pancakes too! Don't forget to bring a donation so you can help out the Children's Miracle Network too!

http://www.ihoppancakeday.com/index.html

Junk Food Addict

2009-01-05T13:00:00.001-08:00

It's unfortunate, but I am a junk food junkie. I have been on and off for years. I have a horrible sweet tooth. I go through periods where I try to eat healthy and get off my sugar kick, but it always seems to come back. I even have tried to eat healthier sugary snacks, lol, that don't have refined sugar and more natural ingredients. I have found some pretty good snacks too. It's just a terrible addiction. One night I am starving and needing a snack and the next thing you know, my husband is off to Taco Bell to get some nachos. Then our healthy eating habits get tossed out the window and we are eating crap every night before bed again. It's bad.

I would love to say that with the new year I have some sort of resolution about not eating junk, but I don't. This is really one of those "one day at a time" type of things. So I did get some healthier snacks last week at the store. Guacamole, spicy black bean dip, and artichoke dip. That stuff hardly has any calories! I was really surprised. I helps stave off that nacho craving. At least for now. I mean, I guess it's better to have a junk food habit than to be a junkie. Maybe not that much cheaper though. Then you see all the commercials though, for nachos and cookies and whatever. I swear they put crack in that stuff. Well, maybe not. But something as powerful, I'm sure.

So, I am working on it (well I mean now that I just finished the last of the Christmas cookies last night, teehee). I really need to loose some weight. I had finally started to really loose weight from having the baby and then the damn holidays had to come and screw that all up. Ugh. Well, I guess once you realize you've made a mistake, you just pick up the pieces and try to start over again. Huh, sounds like I need a New Year's resolution every 3 months.

Christmas Wishes and New Year Dreams

2008-12-27T16:36:00.000-08:00

Now that Christmas has come and gone, I am relieved, as usual. There is so much stress for me around Christmas time that I am glad it only comes once a year. Especially this year with the economy the way it is. I can't say exactly how much it is we spend each year on presents for the kids, but I can say we easily spent over $1000 this year on all 5 kids. Don't get me wrong - I love seeing them happy and ripping open their gifts. Nothing makes me happier than be able to shop for them and give them the things they have been dying to get.

The thing that stresses me out is not having the money to buy them much. Well, we really don't have the money to buy them anything and we end up going totally broke. Now our rent money is nowhere in sight and the 1st is around the corner. Since the housing market has gone all to hell, my husband, who works in construction putting street lights in new housing developments, has had less and less work. So he has now been sitting home without work for over a week. It really sucks.

So I have continued to keep looking for a work at home job. I don't know if you can imagine how much it would cost to put 5 kids in daycare - or even 4 if we let the 13 year old stay at home alone (nothing spells disaster like that). I pray and hold faith in my heart that something good will happen for us. I believe that things are meant to be and I know that whatever is meant for me will happen. In the meantime I have been plugging away at working on an information website about cloth diapers, in hopes that I can someday build it up enough to earn money through Google Adsense and other ads. Trying to get visitors to a website is the hardest part. I have had to teach myself how to create the whole website, learn some html, and create a header and learn how to publish it, but getting people to the site has by far been the hardest part!

So I cross my fingers and hope for a better new year. Happy New Year's to you and your families!

Why I Love Blog Advertising

2008-12-21T11:03:00.000-08:00

Blogging is one of my favorite discoveries on the internet. With my love of writing, it is the perfect outlet for me. I can be creative, insightful or just silly if I want. The best part is that blogging is a wonderful way to reach out to other people all over the United States or even further. When I started this little blog, I had no idea that you can actually make money from blogging. I had heard of it, but never really understood how. It was all a faraway concept to me. One that sounded great, but was just out of my reach. That is when I found out about blog advertising.

What is blog advertising you ask? Well it's when you write posts on your blog about interesting websites, products, companies and services and get paid to do so. This is a fabulous way to make some extra money, especially with the way the economy is now. I looked around at a lot of different blog advertising companies so I could find one that was right for me. That is when I found Paying Post. Paying Post has quickly become my favorite place to go to find opportunities for blog advertising. They have tons of blog advertising opportunities and it is a very easy program to do.

Now I know what you may be thinking - most of the companies that do blog advertising have a so many rules and criteria you have to meet before you can even have your blog approved. Not so with Paying Post. You simply need to sign up, verify your blog, and then log in to see what opportunities you are open to you. It really is that easy. I have already gotten started with Paying Post and I'm really happy with them. If you are at all interested in blog advertising, then I highly recommend Paying Post. I think you will be quite happy with how easy it is to join their program.

You Get What You Get And You Don't Throw A Fit

2008-12-21T09:35:00.001-08:00

Children love to see how much they can get away with and how far you will let them get. (Well so will adults for that matter) If you tell them no, they love to try to whine, cry, beg and hound you into changing your mind. For example, to save money this week (my husband who is in construction hasn't worked much) we bought a big old bag of generic "toasted o's" for breakfast. Yesterday, the oldest son asked where the sugar was, and I didn't realize it was for the cereal told him where it was. (I am opposed to using refined sugar if I can avoid it) So, today one of the other boys, knowing that the oldest boy got sugar in his cereal, decided it was his mission to try to get me to let him have sugar in his cereal. Let me just tell you, I have been a parent for almost 10 years not, and those kind of games don't work with me (not like when I was much younger and unwise to these things)

So, he gets the cereal out of the cuppord and proceeds to come over to me to tell me how disgusting the cereal is, how he's not going to eat it, and it's just disgusting. I simply tell him that's whats for breakfast and if he doesn't want it, then I don't know what to tell him. He might just have to go hungry. Of course, that did not deter him easily. He felt the need to continue to tell me how disgusting it was for another minute and then huffed off. That is until a few minutes later he comes back to ask for oatmeal. I also have a policy on this. We have some flavored microwave oatmeal that is not very filling and kind of a treat, so the kids cannot have oatmeal untless they have eaten some cereal and are still hungry. So I tell him, no. Well one of the other kids is in the kitchen preparing some oatmeal and this of course drives him crazy. So he finally decides to get the 'disgusting' cereal.

After he sits down at the table and tells me again it's disgusting, I tell him if I hear another complaint he will go directly to a time out. Time out's work pretty well here. So the next thing I hear him say is that the cereal is actually pretty good, and that he's glad he got alot. I just have to laugh. I don't think as many parents realize that children really do need and want rules to live by. Yes, they will rebel and complain, such is life. Without rules and someone to guide them, what would become of a young person. I think you can just look around society today to see the answer to that. I am very proud to know that when I take my children out to eat, I always get complimented on how well behaved they are. I just wish that other parents had some of these values for their familes as well.

My New Years Resolution

2008-12-15T08:07:00.000-08:00

As Christmas quickly approaches, I start to realize, so does the new year. 2009. I can't believe how fast this year has gone by. So many things have happened as I have watched my youngest son grow through his first year of life. When I think of New Year's and what it will bring, I have to ask myself, what does it really mean? So many people make their New Years Resolutions to make a better 'me' and celebrate the coming of a fresh start. But what really is the difference between December 2008 and January 2009? Can we not make a fresh start whenever we choose to? Can we not make resolutions more often than January of every year?

This makes me wonder what brought about the trend of the New Years Resolution. I know people are always looking for ways to better themselves (or at least I am) so I guess it's natural to want to make positive changes. I just think it's the pressure of the New Years Resolution once every year that people put on themselves that makes them never stick to them. So I have firmly placed a No New Years Resolution rule in place for me. I find it works well. That way, when I have something about myself I want to better or change, I just work on it when I realize it. If I am going to procrastinate on my better 'me', I'm doing it because I'm not ready to yet, and that's OK with me.

So, what's your New Years Resolution?

Take Care Of Yourself Moms

2008-12-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

To all you moms out there. I know how hard you work taking care of your home and family and some even a job too. So in light of the holidays and all the hard work that us moms do, especially during this season, I thought it would be a great idea to make a list of the things that we can do for ourselves to show ourselves some much deserved love. I have created the top 5 things moms can do for themselves that are either free or low cost and don't take alot of time either. Every mom should do at least one!

#1 - Take Some Me Time

I mean real me time - leave the kids with your husband or a sitter and leave the house or lock yourself in another room away from everyone and everything. Sit in a nice relaxing bath with music playing if you have to. Real me time leaves you refreshed and is guilt free. Go to a coffee shop and read a magazine and turn off your cell phone for a half an hour. Just enjoy being free of responsibility for a short while and love it!

#2 - Get a Hair Cut

With life so busy all the time, sometimes it's hard to even remember you need a hair cut. A hair cut or new style can be invigorating. It can make you feel great about yourself and get you out of the house for a bit to chat with other adults. Then when you come home your husband is excited by your confidence and the kids are happy to see you. Best of all, a cut doesn't have to cost much!

#3 - Take A Class

Whatever kind that interests you. Yoga, dance, karate, whatever. Many local community centers have classes one day a week for a fairly low price so even if you are on a budget, you can find a class that suites your interests and doesn't break the bank. Just imagine yourself kicking butt in a Taekwondo class or jumping around the dance floor in your hip hop dance class. Super fun!

#4 - Start A Hobby

Maybe you don't fancy yourself the crafty type, but that doesn't mean you can't have a hobby. If you aren't into making things, you can try photography, gardening or scrapbooking. Just about every mom already has a camera - make it fun to go around the city and take pictures of things that inspire you. Or plant an herb garden in your window so you can use them to cook. And you can take all those pictures you have tucked in your closet and organize them and make it fun.

#5 - Write A Blog

Everyone is blogging now days and it's super easy to get started. Blogging is free and it's a great way to get some stress out and get things off your mind. It's also a great way to communicate with friends and family or just anyone at all. You can go to Blogger or Wordpress and have a free blog up and running within minutes. Then all you have to do is get writing. There's nothing like getting those creative juices flowing or just venting about something that happened.

Thank You Mama

2008-12-12T10:54:00.000-08:00

Being a stay at home mom can be a lonely and thankless job. You work your butt off 24/7 cleaning, cooking, taking care of children, paying the bills, doing the shopping, etc. Yes you do it because you love it and you want to, but do you really get the appreciation you deserve for it? Does your husband tell you thank you honey for taking care of our home and children? Do your children say thank you mommy for taking care of me everyday? Most likely not. Sometimes they need a reminder of how hard you work (other than on Mothers Day) and sometimes you need to remind yourself too by taking a well deserved break.

I have to say, I am thankful of the Internet and it's capabilities in this day and age. Without it, I don't know what kind of connection I would have with the outside world (other than TV and ppl at the grocery store, lol) I have been able to reach out and connect to tons of people and get exposed to more information that I could ever imagine. It defiantly makes being at home all day a little less lonely.

So, for all you stay at home moms out there, give yourself a pat on the back, sit down with a hot cup of coffee/tea/whatever and relax. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself. You deserve it! You are doing one of the most important jobs there is out there and I commend you for it!

No Use Crying Over Spilt Milk

2008-12-10T10:14:00.000-08:00

So I have almost officially given up the search for work at home. I mean I already have a full time job at home anyway - 5 kids and a husband. Shouldn't that be enough? Well it is to me, but financially, it doesn't pay the bills or anything.

I thought I had actually scored a great work at home job as a Virtual Assistant. Turns out the lady didn't want to work with me after all. Not sure why, but I had a bad feeling from the start. I think I am finally learning to trust my instincts again and relax a little more. I have really spent the last month or so stressing big time and being super depressed about not having a job and not having money for Christmas. Turns out that being totally scammed out of $1000 was not such a bad thing. We were able to get it all back and use it for Christmas. And I have learned a huge lesson.

So now that I don't have any eggs in my basket so to speak, and I have decided to stop obsessing over working at home, I am feeling alot better. I did get alot of retail therapy though. Theres no better feeling than going out and buying your kids all the things they have been wanting for so many months. It makes me really happy and I think it's going to be a great Christmas.

I was really upset about loosing potential jobs, but maybe it's the Universes way of telling me I need to focus only on my family. I guess if there is something more for me, I will find out soon enough.

Scams & Shady Business

2008-12-08T11:54:00.000-08:00

So last year in my search for a work at home job, I got caught up in a huge scam. A "company" called The Global Speculator was hiring researchers, writers and more for telecommuting jobs to help create and maintain their website. It really seemed legit. That is until a few weeks into it everyone was freaking out because they weren't getting paid. I mean there were about a hundred "employees" for this place, most of whom had started working over a month before I was "hired". The funny thing is, the "owner" had set up a company email system where all the employees could get mass emails from managers. This allowed them all to communicate and therefore find out that no-one was getting paid. So, I was scammed and had given out my social and my bank account number. Of course I was livid. I was worried about what was going to be done with my information. One of the people that had also been scammed said they had signed up for a free trial of an identity theft program and recommended it. I went to check it out and signed up for the free month.

Fast forward a year and a half later. I am looking at a bank statement and see two charges from some company I have never heard of. (or so I thought). These charges had a website address by it, so I get on the web to check it out. PM Identity & Privacy Matters. The company I signed up for a free 30 day trial with. I keep all my bank statements (even though I never seem to look at them) and went back looking through them. I find more charges - twice a month - for this company with two names. I am extremely angry at this point. So I call these people up. The customer service agent informs me I signed up for a free 30 day trial and after that it automatically went into a charged monthly fee. WTF???? I asked to speak to a manager and boy did I GO OFF on this guy!

Obviously he didn't even know what to say. After I explained the situation to him and expressed my anger to him, all he could say was, "well what do you want me to do?" Ummm, duh! I want ALL my money back. I actually got him to agree to four months of charges back and got off the phone with many threats. I went through all the bank statements I had saved with my husband and realized they had been charging me every month, twice a month for 15 months! For a total of $1018! And I never even knew because I don't check my statements!

The questions in my mind were: how the hell can they do this? I was never told I would be getting charged anything after the free trial. And if I was automatically signed up for the program, how long do you get signed up for? Life? I mean usually a place puts you on for a year. It was a year and a half! So I had my husband call them, because he is able to be much more calm during these situations. Then he was told we were getting a refund for 11 of the months. He got off the phone. We talked and figured out exactly how much we were owed so he could call them back again. This time he was told had indeed credited our account back for the full 15 months of charges and that it would be two business days for us to see it. I was relieved, but a bit wary.

The thing that really gets me is, they obviously know what they did was wrong, otherwise they would not even consider a refund. I'm not really sure what the next step in this is, but I did get emails today stating that our account was being credited. I am really crossing my fingers here.

I guess the moral of this story is, (in case your anything like me) never give your credit card # out unless you trust the company you are buying from (or getting a free trial from), always check your bank statements and trust no one. I realize not everyone makes such foolish mistakes as I did, but I also know that this company is defiantly doing this to other people all over the United States. If they can do it to me, I know they are doing it to alot of other unsuspecting people. So be careful and beware!

Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree

2008-12-07T21:58:00.000-08:00

Today we took are annual trip to Apple Hill to cut down our Christmas tree. Every year we look forward to driving up into the mountains and eating apple treats and searching for that perfect tree. This year was a little more special than other years though, because my youngest son is one this year, so he was able to really enjoy himself. It was also the first time to Apple Hill for my youngest step son, who just came to live with us over the summer. So the trip was filled with alot 0f excitement and sentimental moments.

In the car ride up to Apple Hill, my step son was talking about a mile a minute. I could really tell how excited he was. I think it made him happy to know he was really a part of our family to be included on our Christmas tree tradition. He kept asking the same questions over and over again and talking about what it would be like there. It was very sweet.

When we finally got there the only thing the kids could think of was apple pie. A part of our tradition is to get apple pie or cake or donuts or something delicious like that. I had to hold them off until my stomach could catch up to me from the long car ride. So we walked around and looked at homemade crafts and watched people fishing in the pond. After awhile we went to the Pie Store to get our apple pie. I have to say, the baby just loves apple pie. lol!

After that we went to go get apple donuts.( I can't refuse) and that's when we say a Christmas tree farm right there on the property. The sign read "$55 for a tree and a lb of fudge". I am so there! So we got to hunt through the tree groves for the perfect tree. The baby loved it! He was running around, playing in the mud, exploring the trees. It was a blast. And so worth the fudge. Heaven.

Then it was time for the long trip home so we could put the tree up. I just have to say, having a Christmas tree with a 1 year old - not an easy thing. He wants to hit the tree, pull on it, put his mouth on the lights, go behind it, etc. He went behind the tree so many times his hair was sticking up with sap. It was adorable. So the next project is to decorate and find a stocking for my baby and step son. I think this Christmas will be wonderful.

Santa Clause Is Watching You!

2008-12-05T16:11:00.000-08:00

Well it's that time of year again! Time to warn your children that "Santa Clause is watching!". When they decide to scream and cry, whine and tell you "no!" they won't do their chores/homework/bath/go to bed. So you break out the old "Santa's watching" threat. I remember when they were little and it worked. They would be so worried they wouldn't get presents, or worse - a lump of coal! Now they are older and I think they pretty much know that Santa will be coming down the chimney no matter what.

And yes, my 7, 9 & 10 year olds believe in Santa. How awesome is that? I think it's sweet and precious. They are only innocent for a short time, so I want them to enjoy it. Pretty soon all their Christmas illusions will be ruined. I remember when I was a kid and didn't believe in Santa anymore. I spent my time waiting to sneak around my parents closest for presents. Yes, I was a naughty little child. Well, kinda. C'mon, I had to make sure I wasn't really getting a new feather duster and broom with matching dust pan like my Dad said.

Now that I look back, I love that he joked with me like that. Then, not so much. I was joking with one of my sons like that last night. Ah, the memories.

Baby Blocker

2008-12-05T16:04:00.000-08:00

Why is it that the one time a month my husband and I can stay awake so we can "spend time together" (if you know what i mean, wink wink) that my 1 year old has to wake up right then! Seriously, with 5 kids we are both dog tired by 9 pm when they are all finally in bed. Then it's TiVo time. I know what you're thinking - turn off the TV! But how can I when I have 8 shows on TiVo that need to be watched? So anyway, after an hour show, my husband is usually asleep on the couch. Which I totally understand! And if he's not, then I am just too tired to function. So we both pass out thinking about it, but not doing anything. LOL. So yeah, I think my baby has some sixth sense about these things. Because he can otherwise sleep for many hours of the night without waking. Except on those nights. *Sigh*.I know other moms have this same problem, so holler at me!

Another 'Aha!' Moment

2008-12-02T23:42:00.000-08:00

Today something happened that really reaffirmed my belief that things happen for a reason. This weekend, I was given the opportunity to speak with a woman who needed child care for her 5 children during the week. I was very excited about this opportunity because I thought it would be great for the kids (hers & mine) who all go to school together, and it would help me generate some much needed income for my family. I emailed with the lady several times and we agreed to meet after she went out for a couple of hours.

I had my kids help me clean up the house and told them that some other children from their school might be coming over for me to babysit. They worked really hard to help me clean and then waited patiently for the lady to come over. The time when I was supposed to hear back from her so I could give her my address, etc., came and went. Then several more hours after that dragged by. The kids were increasingly anxious and I was a nervous wreck. I really needed to get this job.

Finallly, that evening I hear from her and she still wants to meet. When she calls I'm in the middle of dinner, which I totally abandon to talk to her. I find out that her children have never been in day care and she's very upset about the whole thing. She still wants to meet with me, and says she'll call me back after she talks to her ex husband about coming along. By the time the kids went to bed and I hadn't heard from her, I knew it wasn't happening. I was really upset about the whole situation and had little hope about it working out.

The next day, I emailed her to ask her to please let me know if she had changed her mind. I mean I waited all day and into the evening for this person! Anyway, she finally got back to me to let me know she was able to arrange it so she didn't need to put them in day care anyway. Fine. The problem for me was, I really needed the money from this gig. Without it, I didn't know where to look next for work. I need to be at home with my children. I couldn't understand why something that seemed so perfect just slipped away so easily. I even talked to my husband last night about what meaning it could possibly have.

Then I got an email from a virtual assistant position I had applied to. I scheduled to talk to this person about my services and what they needed. I was hopeful, but wary. I didn't want to get excited again. Well the good news is, I have my first virtual assistant client! yay! And the funny thing is, I could not have done this job if I were to do the babysitting job. The hours would have conflicted. So how is that for having a deeper meaning! I love when things like that happen. Now if I could just relax and wait for it instead of questioning myself. I'll work on that next.

A Post A Day Keeps The Dr Away

2008-12-01T11:13:00.000-08:00

Since I have started blogging, I have found it rather therapeutic. It really makes me feel good to write, to get creative juices flowing, to get out feelings and ideas. I have been writing since I was 13, and there have been many years where my pen never touched a paper other than to write notes at work or grocery lists.

I remember the first poem I wrote at 13. It was very dark and depressing. Then again, at that time, I was dark and depressed. It was the beginning of me though. I am a writer, through and through. It starts at the core of my soul and goes through to my heart. Writing has gotten me through some of the worst times in my life. Writing stories has gotten me into another world when my own was unbearable. Journal entries have helped me to sort out so many conflicting feelings. Poems have helped me cry out to the world and share my soul. It is who I am.

As much as I love to write, it has always been hard to share my writing with people I am close to. The thought of being judged, or really not accepted and loved, is enough to injure my emotions in a whole new way. If someone I loved were to read a poem I wrote for them, and didn't react as if they loved it, it would be like a 1000 deaths for me. I know that sounds funny, but like I said, I am the writing.

So now, as an adult, a mother of 5, and a wife, I am very busy. Writing is something that is very hard to find time to do. That's why I am very glad I have found the world of blogging. The best part is, it is anonymous, so I don't have to care what anyone else thinks of these words. Thanks for reading them.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-28T14:47:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving I had the fortune of being sick! Not what I was hoping for as I headed to my parents house for a huge dinner. I spent most of the evening laying down and didn't eat nearly as much as I would have liked to. Being sick is the worst, especially on holidays. But, I guess I was lucky I was well enough to even go!

So, being inspired by that, here is my list of things to be thankful for:

Family
Food
Home
Car
Children's laugher
Warm hugs
Smiling faces
Loving Husband
Generous parents
Heated house
Christmas music on the radio
Leftover turkey
Moms homemade pumpkin pie
Black Friday sales

You really can't things for granted. Life is precious and time is few and it is here to be enjoyed. We should take every minute to love, laugh, smile and live life fully. Happy Thanksgiving!

Things Happen For A Reason

2008-11-25T22:24:00.000-08:00

I always like to believe things happen for a reason. I don't really believe in coincidences. Maybe that is just the romantic dreamer in me. For example, at the beginning of the year, a house came up for rent that I had been eying. It's bigger than the one I'm renting now and on a quieter street. I called the office immediately to find out if it was still available and it was. I was super excited. When I went to go sign the paperwork I found out that the rent was going to be higher than what I thought - $400 more a month than what I was paying. Then right before we were going to sign the paperwork, the whole thing suddenly fell through. Apparently there was another tenant who was supposed to come in and drop off a deposit before us. So we never got the place. I was so upset. I wanted to move into the bigger house so badly. I couldn't understand why things had to happen that way. I knew we deserved that house. The only consolation I had was to tell myself there must be some reason that would reveal itself later. Fast forward several months and my step children from across the US are moving in with us. Are pocket books take a hit with four boys and an infant now in the house. Paying that amount of rent would have killed us. I drive by that house everyday and think about what could have been. Then I think about how we couldn't afford it with our new circumstances. Funny how things work that way.

I believe signs come into our lives all the time. Unfortunately it's so hard not to get caught up in the daily grind to really see much else. Little things like the kids not listening or things not working the way you want them to see huge. When really it is just all connected to something else or has a deeper meaning not immediately seen.

My latest struggle is work and money. I'm sure I'm not the only one who faces this. I have been unemployed - by choice - for just about two years. Now that we have a suddenly larger family I feel the need to compensate by somehow getting a job. The problem is that with five kids, we can't afford day care for all of them. So I have thought about getting a part time job. The problem with that is, I desperately want to stay home with my 1 year old. We are very close and I don't want to leave him so I can make a few hundred dollars after day care costs. So I have looked for work from home opportunities. I have plugged away for almost two years looking for work at home. I have come across more scams than anything. I have applied for part time out of home jobs with no luck. So I am continually asking myself, what does it all mean? Why can I not get a job? Why, if there are so many people out there who can, can I not find a real work at home opportunity? I have actually been really depressed about this. I'm not sure what the reason is. After a long period of struggling, I have finally decided to let it go. I'm hoping that the deeper reason or meaning to this will reveal itself to me.

Stubborn Men

2008-11-24T09:49:00.000-08:00

Is it just me, or do I have the most stubborn husband ever? I swear the man drives me crazy sometimes because he is so stubborn! For instance, he hurt is foot the other week. He was in so much pain he could barely walk. Do you think that kept him from doing things? Not really. He was up trying to cook dinner after I scolded him for not putting his foot up with some ice. And go to the Dr.? Forget it! A few days later he shows me his foot and it is black and blue! Yet he refuses to have it looked at. It's not broken he says, so he doesn't need to go. I don't know about you, but to me that is just stubborn! You are hurt! Go have it checked out!

Why is it that men have to be so stubborn when it comes to these kinds of things? I just don't get it. I mean he's a great husband, so I'm not complaining about that. I'm just saying, take care of yourself man! Anyone else have a husband like that?

Beware

2008-11-22T12:28:00.000-08:00

I am so tired of people out there who are looking to get one over on someone else. Trying to steal and cheat others for a profit or even just for fun. These people make me sick. I have been applying for WAH jobs (and yes there are some legit ones) and I guess in my frenzy of sending out my resume I sent one to a scammer. They contacted me via email for this "position" which I was immediatly hired for. I knew right about it was not legit, so I ignored it completely.

A few days later a Fed Ex envelope was sitting on my doorstep with an "urgent" letter. Upon opening it I find a check for $3,800. Now you have no idea how much a check like that would mean to my family right now. Times are really hard and a check like that would pay alot of bills and give my kids a really nice X mas. But the check came alone, no letter no nothing. The name of the company on the check was different than the name of the company on the envelope. That was the second sign that it was a scam. I knew I had heard of a scam having to do with getting a check, but I couldn't remember what it was. So I went onto a couple of forums and asked around. The scam is that you get a check and you are supposed to deposit it, take a percentage of it out for commission, then send the "company" the rest back. The funny thing is, I didnt get a letter with this, and never remembered any email like that.

So I went back and looked through my emails and found the one about the "online clerk job" I was immediatly hired for. I read it through and my husband told me it had to be it. The name on the signature was from yet another company and person, so I thought it wasn't the same. Low and behold this morning I got another email from these people from a fourth person asking if I got the money. So wow, way to work your scam. You can't even make it somewhat believeable? Sheesh.

In conclusion I just want to say to these people, you make me sick. You are the lowest scum of the scum on the bottom of my toilet. I hope you get caught and rot in hell where you belong. Not only did you mess with my head but with my husbands head. That money would have been a miracle to us and to think even for 5 seconds that it could be real, was enough to cause a mountain of problems. You are a real piece of *you know what*.

Dead Ringer

2008-11-21T18:59:00.000-08:00

So I do not have the ringer on my house phone. Why, you ask? Well it's simple, I rarely give the number out - I mostly use my cell phone - yet it rings without fail several times a day. Telemarketers. *sigh* So it got to the point where I just turned the damn ringer off. The only reason I even have a home phone is for the kids to use, which they never do, or in case of an emergency. Other than that, we never use it. I can't begin to tell you how many messages are on my answering machine right now. I stopped checking at this point.

Here's a funny story, the last home phone number I had, which I never gave out, I got even more calls. Apparently, the number was the same as the billing dept for the local fire department. Well actually it wasn't exactly the same - the billing dept number had a 1-800 in front of it. I was constantly getting calls from elderly folk trying to solve a problem with their bill. Let me just say, I was pregnant and often napped on the couch. The incessant ringing of the phone irritated me and to hear it being the wrong number just irritated me further. I refused the change the number though. I felt that whoever was calling should understand that they needed to put a 1-800 in front of it. Don't ask - my pregnant brain is unexplainable.

So, I have learned to just keep the ringer off and not even think about it. I should probally just cancel the service, but I have it in a bundle which is supposed to save me money. Lol.

Butterfly Award!

2008-11-20T14:04:00.001-08:00

I have recieved an award from Mia's Motivation! Thanks Mia! Now, here are the *rules* that go along with this award:

1. Put the award up on your blog
2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you
3. Nominate at least seven other blogs
4. Add links to these blogs on your blog
5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blog

Now I get to pass this on to some other wonderful bloggers!

The Munchins and Me
Spoonful of Chocolate Sistah
Shop Black Friday
Thrifty Mama Ramblings
Misadventures in Baby Raising
It's Just My Thoughts
Mommy Mia's World

The Economy Sux

2008-11-20T08:39:00.000-08:00

And its pretty scary. People are getting laid off everywhere, work is harder to find and people are losing their houses. My husband works construction and we have no idea what the winter holds as far as work. The winter is usually the slowest time in construction and with work already being slow as it is, winter could mean no work at all. Very scary.

Im really hoping with the new president the economy gets better. They say the economy is the worst since the Depression. That is really scary. And depressing. I have actually been really depressed lately. With Christmas coming up we are broke with no money for presents right now. I have been trying really hard to find a job, but with five kids, I can only work certain hours unless I want to shell out my whole paycheck to day care. So Ive been trying to find a job I can telecommute in. Try doing that with a 14 month old. Not easy. Yeah, depressing.

I want more than anything to give my kids everything they want for Christmas. Unfortunatly, I dont see that happening. Somethings gotta give. I just keep hoping things will get better. Things may get worse before they get better though.

Exciting Giveaway

2008-11-18T20:33:00.000-08:00

I was just reading a cool blog I found and read about an exciting give away she's having! A $50 gift certificate to Amazon! What could be nicer, especially right before Christmas? Check it out! http://worldofmom.com/

This is a totally fun blog to read, btw, so I reccomend it to add to your blogroll.

California Dreaming

2008-11-18T13:41:00.000-08:00

So it's the middle of November and its warm and sunny here in California. I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt and so are the kids. I told one of my sons earlier this month that shorts weather was over, because it's getting cold out and there won't be anymore hot and sunny days. Boy have I heard about that every morning! When I said that it was raining - well sprinkling anyway. I could have sworn last year at this time it was cold. Sorry! So, no, it really hasn't been cold except for mornings. Maybe I was just hoping it would get colder. There's something about cold weather and rain that makes me reminisce and feel all warm inside. Hot drinks, warm fires, snugly blankets, and lots of holiday treats to eat. Mmmmmmm. It makes me happy just thinking about it. Obviously I'm going to have to wait a bit longer for cold weather here. That's OK. I guess that's California for ya.

Potholes of Society

2008-11-17T11:52:00.000-08:00

The one thing that really makes me angry about this society is the fact that it is so difficult for parents to be at home to raise their children. With the high cost of living (at least here in California) most families have a very hard time living off of one income. Rent is high, food is expensive, and until recently, gas has been outrageous. What we are lacking in this society is the value of how important it is for children to be raised properly - in a loving, nurturing environment with their mother or father (or both). We are forced to either barely scrape by so we can do what we feel is best for our children, or go to work and leave them to be raised by strangers. People that we really have no idea how well they are taking care of our children. Yes, there are the lucky ones who have a wonderful relative to help them out. I'm sure that can never ease the guilt many mothers feel as they head off to work every day, leaving their babes in the arms of another.

So the mothers out there who need to stay home, or simply cant afford to pay for daycare to get a job, look for work at home opportunities. And that is where conniving rats scam innocent moms who are desperate to find a real way to make money from home. The scam artists are out there by the thousands. It makes me sick! I myself have been in this position, looking to stay at home with my sweet little baby and make some money so I can buy Christmas presents for my other children. Or even help pay some bills. I have seen so many scams and schemers its amazing. Another tell tale about this society.

Luckily there are real jobs where you can work from home and earn money. Unfortunately I am only one of the thousands out there applying for these jobs. And with the state of the economy and the hundreds getting laid of every day, I'm sure there will be more joining me. I have always thought that a parent should get paid to stay home with their baby. At least for the first three years. Those are some of the most important years for a child. It is the time in their life when they learn the most about being. Do we really need more children out on the streets doing God knows what because their parents are either too busy to watch them, too stressed about bills to focus on them, or just too damn tired from working their asses off at two jobs to make ends meat? I see it everyday in my neighborhood and it makes me sad and angry. I am so happy I am at home to help guide them and make sure they are safe and have an understanding about making right decisions. Its just a shame that as I stay home and my husband goes out to work everyday, we still cant pay all our bills every month. Yeah, I know its a dream to think that a parent should get paid to take care of their children which would ultimately better society, but I know its not only my dream.

Children of the Corn

2008-11-16T12:18:00.000-08:00

So I have recently found myself the mother of 5 boys. My husband's two sons have come to live with us, we have one son together, and I have two from a previous marriage. Yes, 5 and they are all boys. The funny thing is, when I tell people how many children I have, they always say the same thing. 'Wow... All boys?' or 'Five boys, huh?'. I think some people feel sorry for me, but I don't mind. While I didn't exactly become the mother of five by choice, it is something I am proud of. I love all my boys, as crazy as my life can be.

You can only imagine life with all boys - lots of talk about farting & poop, lots of yelling ,wrestling and rambunctious boy energy. While I often wonder what it would be like to have a daughter, it is fun having boys. Although I have to wonder if I had a daughter, would she love to run around showing her bare butt for fun. I think the one thing that really drives me crazy about having five children, is getting them to take responsibility for their messes. I will find a mess someone made or a sock left on the bathroom floor and ask who's it is, always to hear the same response four times ' not mine. I know it's not mine!'. LOL.

There is a book by Stephen King, 'Children of the Corn', about children who are evil. I like to jokingly call them the 'children of the corn'. The funny part is, in the movie the leader's name is Malachi, and one of my sons name is Malakai. Of course I don't really think they are evil, but it's always fun to joke - especially when they are driving me crazy.

Adoration

2008-11-15T18:49:00.000-08:00

As I watch my youngest son play, I have to smile. He is adorable, intelligent and oh so much trouble! Ever hear the saying 'curiosity killed the cat'? They must have been talking about my son. If there is something he ISN'T supposed to get into, he will find it. His favorite thing to get into is the toilet. He loves to put things in it. Anything. A towel, toilet paper, shoes, you name it. Funny, but so frustrating. Yeah, I guess I forgot what its like to have a 1 year old. All I need to do is see his smile or hear his laugh though, and I forget what a tiny terror he can be. Gotta love 'im.

Oops She Did It Again

2007-10-05T10:45:00.000-07:00

Britney, Britney, Britney. So many people wonder now, do you even care about your kids? On October 1st, the L.A. County Superior Court ordered custody of Britney Spears children to their father Kevin Federline starting on the 3rd at 12 p.m. That same day Britney is seen giving her kids over to K-Feds bodyguard. Hello! I don't know about you, but if I had two days to spend with my children before I lost custody of them, I woud spend every second with them! Can someone knock on her head and find out whats going on in there?

If that isn't bad enough, Britney was seen that night going out to party! Not to mention she was driving herself around with a valid California license! No worries though - Ms. Spears went right down to the DMV the next day to get her license. She may not seem to care to much about little Sesn Preston and Jayden James, but she certainly doesn't seem to want to have her mug shot shown on EXTRA when she gets arrested for driving withou a license!

The court battle for custody wages on, and everyone in America is watching and wondering what foolish move Britney will make next. The question is, do you feel sorry for her? I for one, certainly do not. I think there is no excuses for her behavior concerning her children and her lack of underwear. Please get it together dear!

Breastfeeding in Public

2007-09-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

After I read the article on the woman who was removed from a store in the local mall for breastfeeding, I was appalled and a little scared. Could I too go out in public and have an employee ask me to leave for breastfeeding? Or have a stranger look at me in disgust. It's a little scary. All I am doing from my point of view is feeding my baby. It is completly normal to me. Yet I found myself at Super Walmart this weekend with a crying baby and I knew the only thing that would soothe him was nursing. So I found a bench which was between the food section and the clothes section and fed him as discretly as I could. I never noticed any dirty looks and no one bothered me at all. So why is it that people get so offended anyway? What could be dirty about a little baby getting the best nourishment they can get? I mean can you really look at a woman and think that it is sexual that she has a baby at her breast? What is it pedophilia? I just don't get it. I mean if you are a woman and make the choice to not breastfeed, thats one thing. But to judge another woman and think there is something wrong with them? I personally have not encountered many people who had anything bad to say about breastfeeding, but after all the stoires I hear I have to wonder.

Belly Hair and Other Horror Stories

2007-09-26T15:34:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy. Some women love it, some hate it. I can't really say I was one of those women that loved it. As a matter of fact, I was one of those women that really just wanted to smack all the women who walked around talking about their "glow" and how they just loved it. Glow. I'll tell you what that glow was- sweat. This last time I was pregnant I would get so hot and sweaty I couldn't believe it (and I do not normally sweat much). I was glowing like a sumo wrestler chasing down the ice cream man on a hot summer day. Not a pretty picture.

Don't get me wrong. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. The miracle of birth; the amazing capability of the human body to create life. It's just not fun when you are so naseaus for three months you can barely eat, then are so hungry that you are going to literally rip someone's head off because you need to eat RIGHT NOW! Not to mention the long list of other symptoms, all of which I seemed to be afflicted by. Here's a new one I didn't even know about. Belly hair. Yes. Belly hair. I mean sure I've got a little bit of soft, cute and light colored hair on my stomache. Barely noticable. After about the fifth month or so, it started to become apparent that my cute little belly hairs were becoming longer and darker. Talk about horrified. I was already feeling fat and bloated and getting the complexion of a teenager, so getting hairy too was yet another reason for my already out of control hormones to take another plunge into depression. And I soon came to realize it wasn't just my belly hair. I noticed my leg hair started to grow much faster also to the point where i would shave (that is while I still could) and within a few days I would look like I just came back from Woodstock. When you can barely reach your legs to shave and have to continue to let them grow into small forests, it doesn't do alot for your self esteem. So now I have that "special glow", I'm hairy and I can't lean over the counter to see in the mirror to put my make-up on. Maybe it's just me (and thousands of other women), but I this does not make for a happy time.

My Birth Story

2007-09-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

As a mother of three, I have had the chance to experience birth in three very different ways. The birth of my first son was a hospital birth, and traumatic to say the least. The birth of my second son was at a birthing center, and very lovely. The birth of my third son, the one I will tell you about, was at home, and absolutly amazing.

It had been a long hard pregnancy for me this time around. I had major water retention, gained a severe amount of weight, had high blood sugar and almost didn't get to have the baby at home. On Sept. 5th I went in for a routine Midwife appt on my 39th week. I was reluctant to go, because I was at the point in my pregnancy where I thought I was never going to have the baby. My midwife, however was very incouraging and told me we wouldnt make another appt for the next week because she was sure I would have the baby by then. I was not so sure, but agreed nonetheless.

My husband and our two sons left the appt and headed for the grocery store to get something quick to make for dinner. Once we got into the store and began walkng around, my contractions began. I was in denial at first, but the contractions were strong enough that I could barely walk. I don't think my poor husband really knew what was going on. Finally we got to the car and I told him I thought I was having contractions, so we hurried home.

Once home, I began timing my contractions. They were about 5-6 minutes apart. I began walking around to make sure they kept coming while my husband made dinner. I was feeling really anxious and restless wanting to make sure this was "it", so I kept trying to find something to do like laundry or help ny husband. Finally I sat down and we called our midwife. She asked us to time the contractions for another half an hour, then call back. I was sure I was in labor, so I called my parents had let them know.

A half an hour later, the contractions were still 5-6 minutes apart, so we let our midwife know and she said she would be on her way. I was excited and sure that I would have a quick labor. Boy was I wrong.

Once the midwife arrived, she began to prepare the birthing space with help from my husband. I continued to walk around anxiously, wanting to make sure the baby's room was in order. I tried to relax and watch tv with my parents who had arrived right before my midwife, but I found it harder and harder to do. Finally I decieded to take a shower in hopes that it would help me feel better. After that I tried to watch tv again, but it was useless. The contractions were becoming to strong to be aware of my surrondings.

I went to lay down in my bed and tried to find a way to handle the contractions. They were now 2-3 minutes apart and becoming more and more painful. When my midwife checked me, I had barely dialated. I was really dissapointed and wanted things to move along faster. Unfortunatly, they didn't. I went on like that through the whole night. At one point I got up and walked around for awhile until I was just exhausted. Finally I gave in and went to sleep the best I could.

At around six in the morning, I woke up, more anxious then ever. I couldnt understand why my body didnt want to dialate. I tried walking around my bedroom, hoping and hoping it would do something. My midwives went to get breakfast. My poor parents had been up most of the night waiting and I felt horrible that they had to wait for so long. All I wanted was to finally make progess and have my son so i could hold him.

About 10 am on the 6th, my midwives asked me if I wanted to break my water. It was a possibility that that amount of water I had been retaining was getting in the way of making progess. I said 'yes' and we proceeded. I couldn't believe the amount of water that came out of me. I felt like I was sitting in a bathtub. The water just kept coming and coming, but i felt such relief to get rid of it all finally!

And thats when I knew I would finally have the baby. The contractions felt different and I knew they were doing something now. The pain was getting more and more intense to the point where all I could do was get through them. I coulndt even move. I got into the birthing tub and was able to relax a little. It wasnt long after that I felt the urge to push. I told my husband to get into the tub. He sat behind me and put his arms around me. He told me later that everytime I had a contraction it was like thunder going through the water.

Slowly I began pushing, not wanting to strain myself. The urge became stronger and stronger. It wasn't long before his head was emerging and my midwife put a mirror down so I could see it. It was amazing! It gave me the strength to keep going. Once he was out, my midwife put him on my chest. I held him and cried and told him I loved him. I had waited a very long time to met him and I was very happy!

The three of us sat there in the tub for awhile and just basked in our love. It was a wonderful moment. There was no intervention - no one taking him to weigh him, or clean him or put drops in his eyes. He was perfect and beautiful and everything felt so right. It was something that I would definatly do again, and i would have to say, anyone who is contemplating a home birth, try it!